


Why Am I the Only One Laughing

by crylank



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Making Up, OKAY SORT KF HAPPY ENDING NOW, Other, Sad Ending, Sad Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Sad with a Happy Ending, Sort Of, TOMMY RANBOO ERET TUBBO AND WILBUR ARE ONLY MENTIONED, Technoblade Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, kind of, mentions of dsmp, might delete this if it does bad aaa, slight tears, this is honestly just a thing i did last minute LMAO
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29349510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crylank/pseuds/crylank
Summary: The green ring around Phil’s icon lights up again after a few minutes of silence, “Techno,” Phil pleads, sounding so tired and exhausted. Technoblade almost let’s himself feel bad. “What do I do with this information?”Almost.
Relationships: Dave | Technoblade & Phil Watson, Technoblade/Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Unrequited - Relationship
Comments: 31
Kudos: 175





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> angst ?3?3 kind of
> 
> idk if this ship is problematic but Ehhh fuck it
> 
> kudos r always appreciated <3  
> it’s 05:41 and i half-assed this so bad  
> pretty sure you can see where i got lazy with it
> 
> Song for this one: Why Am I the Only One laughing - Blah Blah Blah

He confesses his feelings while he’s playing on the SMP with Philza. They’re just vibing in voice channel two, groovy playing soft lofi in the background. He crouches up and down in front of Phil’s character and listens to Phil’s chuckle, causing a squirmy feeling in Technoblade’s stomach that he didn’t welcome. 

He swallows that feeling though, and allows himself to ask “What’s so funny, old man?” without any voice cracks or sign that he feels weird. “Nothing,” Phil replies. “Just funny to see you crouch at such a random time.” Techno laughs at that, and Phil snickers again. “Yeah, I’m sure it’s funny. It’s just part of the master plan. I’m going to catch you off guard one day and kill you and dominate the server.” Phil laughs again, this time a full chest one, and it makes Techno’s own chest constrict with emotion. He hates it, he hates it _he_ _hates it_.  He doesn’t know what this is. He doesn’t like it. 

He hadn’t realised he was being quiet until Phil spoke up, “You alright, mate?” Techno flushes, mad at himself for getting flustered so easily. What is he, some kind of twink? “Yeah, I’m alright. Just really tired.. I didn’t sleep that well last night.” He hopes it’s convincing, but it must be convincing enough, because Phil hums in sympathy, and says “I understand that. If you want you can go to sleep if you’d like.” Techno considers the idea, before deciding against it. “No, it’s alright. I’ll stay for a little longer, I need to grind some levels anyway.” Phil hums and goes back to whatever he was doing in-game. 

After some quietness (save for the lofi playing in the channel), Techno decides to speak up. “I’ve been feeling kind of off.” Phil stays silent, a quiet sign to urge Techno to keep speaking. “I’ve been like... getting butterflies in my stomach and shit. Because of this person. And my chest feels weird sometimes when this person laughs, and I don’t know what to do about this.” Philza almost laughs, he can hear the poorly muffled chuckle, “Technoblade has a crush on someone? Woah, who’s the lucky girl?” Techno inwardly curses and mutters “This is serious. And they’re not a girl.” before sinking further into his chair. There’s a pause before Phil speaks again, “Well that’s fine too. Then who’s the lucky guy?” Techno sighs, and braces himself for what he’s about to say next. He swallows any protests his anxiety is giving him, and spills. “It’s you, Phil. You’re the ‘lucky guy’.” He then starts to curse himself silently, hitting his head against his desk, thankful that his mic didn’t pick it up. 

There’s a gross, heavy feeling in his chest. Why did he say that? Why didn’t he just lie and say one of his IRL friends? Why did he even start speaking about it? He hears Phil sigh, and that’s when he knows that he’s fucked up. 

The green ring around Phil’s icon lights up again after a few minutes of silence, “ _Techno_ ,” Phil pleads, sounding so tired and exhausted. Technoblade almost let’s himself feel bad. “What do I do with this information?” 

Almost.

He sighs, stretching his arms out and straightening in his chair. “Do whatever you want, Phil. You don’t have to.. do anything that you don’t want to. I just wanted to tell you....” Techno silently begs for him to stay, for him to say that he likes him back and that he feels the same, but he’d never admit it as he watches Phil’s icon leave the call, leaving him alone. 

He stares at his own icon, a voice in the back of his head taunting him.

“ _You subconsciously knew he would leave after you said that_ ”

Yeah, and that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

“ _Maybe you’re just weak._ ”

That gets him to shut up. 

He needs to turn his brain off. He’ll do anything. So he leaves the voice channel, shuts off his computer, and leaves. He doesn’t even bother putting actual shoes on, or grabbing his phone or anything. He just grabs a hoodie and walks out in his slides and sweats. He doesn’t know where he’s headed. He thinks of going to the beach. But at the same time, he doesn’t want to go there. He doesn’t want to go to that beach and think about what him and Phil would have done on that beach. The fun they would have. The feelings he’d have. He just walks and walks, the homeless people on the road watching him as he walks like a zombie. 

All he wants is to see Phil. That’s all he ever fucking wanted. But he just had to ruin it by having stupid feelings and being unable to contain them. _Christ_ , Phil was married and like 10 years older than him. He looks up, seeing the half-crescent moon in the sky. He half-wonders if the moon is pitying him.

He should head back. He knows that he should head back. But he just can’t stop thinking about jumping into the ocean and just floating away. Drowning in the cold California water doesn’t seem fun.. but maybe it’d help him feel something other than regret. 

He ultimately decides to walk to the beach anyway. Walking onto the sand, cringing as he feels the sad get on his slides, he sighs loud. 

And yet, he refuses to cry. He wouldn’t cry. All he did was basically get rejected by the only person he truly trusted. Yeah, okay ouch, maybe that would hurt. But he still refuses to cry. He rolls up his sweats and takes his slides off, setting them in the sand. The tide is up. He should be careful. But he isn’t. He walks into the cold water of the Pacific, knees deep into it. And he yells. He yells loud, more of a shout. He let’s out a deep shout, and wonders if he’s letting out more than just tonights issue. He wonders if he’s letting out the issues his parents had, all the people he’s left behind, his trust issues, and all the things that let him become this way. His throat is raw and in pain. But it feels so good to let it out. 

He stops when he feels his vocal chords start to give out, and he feels relieved. 

He’s tired and exhausted, both emotionally and well, now physically. He starts his trek back to his apartment, and tries to think about something other than the issue at hand. 

When he gets home, he turns his computer back on, and opens discord, but goes on invisible. He sees that Phil is still online. He ignores it and gets into his bed, the RBG lights on his keyboard creating a soft glow into the room. He ignores the pings he gets, and allows himself go into a heavy sleep. 

He can always deal with everything later.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It doesn’t last long though. Nope, it does not, because Philza logs in just to say “Technoblade, private voice call 2, now.” in the chat and suddenly Tubbo and Ranboo are quiet and careful as they watch Techno’s icon go into the other voice channel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SPEEDRAN THIS SHIT FOR THE FEW OF YOU WHO WANTED A SECOND PART  
> i did Really Bad on this but um... here you go fellow techza lovers
> 
> i really did so bad on this omg  
> there will probably be a lot of mistakes.. please bare with me <33

When Technoblade wakes up, the first thing he realises is that his phone is blowing up like crazy. The second thing is the pain in his throat.  He sits up in his bed and tries to recall what happened yesterday, but gets hit with a gross pain in his chest when he remembers what happened with Phil. He glances to his phone which was still on his desk from yesterday, and briefly considers checking it before deciding against it. 

He optimally decides to shower instead, feeling gross from walking in the water last night.  He does, however, say “Hey Alexa, play all of ‘ _Thank You Thank You_ ’ by Blah Blah Blah” and strips off his gross clothes. He hastily throws them in the linen basket and turns on the water. He stares at himself in the mirror while waiting for the water to get hot, hating the tired look behind his eyes. Sure, he’s a Minecraft streamer with friends in all different timezones, so he’s going to have a fucked up sleep schedule- but that doesn’t mean he enjoys it. Playing with his friends is fun, and he also banks a _fuck_ ton from it, but he can’t help but miss things before that. He misses wanting to go to college and being happy to be there, getting an education he wanted. But he dropped it to do Minecraft full time. He doesn’t  deeply  regret it, but he does wish he could be normal-er... if that makes sense. He wishes he wasn’t such a nerd from a young age and that he did sports or something more acceptable. But he pushes those thoughts down when he sees steam start to fog up the mirror. 

Stepping into the shower, he takes note of the sand still on his feet, and cringes and the feeling. He lets his mind wander as the hot water runs through his hair that was long enough to be put into a man-bun, and listens to ‘ _Why Am I the Only One Laughing_ ’, softly humming along.

Finishing his shower, he steps out and dries off, running to his bedroom and opening his closet. He picks out black sweats and a plain white T-shirt. He dries his hair quickly and puts it up in a small ponytail, and puts his glasses on. Looking at himself in the mirror, he takes a deep breath, “I can do this. All I’m doing is going to check my phone. Surely nothing bad has happened.” Flinching at the weak state his voice was in, he walks to his desk and picks up his phone, squinting as he turns it on. There’s a lot of discord notifications, and even a Twitter DM from Eret. He decides to answer that first, wondering what they needed. 

** Eret **

Hey Techno, just wanted to check on you. 

You doing alright? 

Techno snorts, finding it funny how he’s just suddenly worried. 

** Technoblade ** 🐷

yeah i’m alright. thanks for checking eret, any reason why you’re asking?

Eret replies almost immediately with a ‘nope, just curious’ and Techno doesn’t buy it, closing Twitter and going to check his discord notifications. The first thing he sees is 20+ messages from Philza. The next is a few from Tommy and Wilbur, and he braces himself for what’s going to happen. He changes his status to Idle like it normally is, and opens Phil’s messages.

** Ph1LzA **

Technoblade

Techno we had a stream to do with Karl

Techno where are you?

Techno..

I know yesterday was.. well you know.. but please don’t ignore this because of that. You’re better than that, Techno.

Techno, it’s been hours, the stream ended and everyone is wondering where you are,,

Are you okay?

technoblade please

And the rest continues. Phil is offline, soothing Techno’s anxiety just a bit, but it spikes again as he types his reply.

** Technoblade **

sorry Phil. went for a walk and took a nap the moment i got home. 

sorry for worrying you lol

He cringes at his dry-ness that is obvious in his reply, and instead goes to check Wilburs messages.

** Wilbur Soot **

hello Technoblade 

Techno are you okay

Phil asked me to check on you becuase you missed an important streAm or somethjng

if you need anythjng techno i’m here for you

Technoblade chuckles at his misspellings, and opts to just send a simple thumbs up emoji before closing Discord. He can deal with Tommy’s messages later. They’re probably the same as Wilbur’s, anyway.

He sits down at his desk then, and turns his monitor on. He could play some bedwars, or he could go on the SMP, and wouldn’t have to worry about Phil because he was probably sleeping. Choosing to log into the SMP, he opens Discord on his second monitor and joins voice channel 3, where Ranboo was alone. “Hulloo Ranboo.” Ranboo seems to enjoy Technoblade being there, sounding cheery and having a smile obvious in his voice. “Hi Technoblade! I’m waiting for Tubbo, but you can stay because we’re just going to go get dark oak wood.” Technoblade hums, and chooses to stay as the world loads around his character in the game. Foolish messages him a hi in the game chat, to which he replies with a “HEYOOOO”, feeling better than last night. He and Ranboo talk about silly stuff before Tubbo joins, to which they all get ready to go and start chatting. Tubbo starts singing obnoxiously, “MAKING MY WAY DOWNTOWN, WALKING FAST AND IM HOMEBOUND.” Ranboo and Techno laugh, joining in with a “DU DU DU DOO DOO DOOOO” and start crouching up and down in the game. The two younger boys don’t comment on Techno’s constant voice cracks and his dead voice, and just decide to enjoy the moment. The whole call is filled with laughter and good vibes, making Techno forget everything bad that happened. 

It doesn’t last long though. Nope, it does not, because Philza logs in just to say “Technoblade, private voice call 2, now.” in the chat and suddenly Tubbo and Ranboo are quiet and careful as they watch Techno’s icon go into the other voice channel. Techno is deafened, and is nervous to undeafen, but he does it anyway, chest hurting at the way Phil gasps when he does. “Technoblade! I was so worried about you, I went to bed worried about you and then I wake up to your reply which wasn’t even a good one at that, and then I see you on the SMP chilling with Ranboo and Tubbo like it never happened??”

Technoblade flinches at Phil’s harsh tone, and is silent until Phil sighs and speaks again. “I’m sorry, I know that sounded mean. But I was just _really_ worried about you, and I was apart of it too- I didn’t even reply to you or anything. I just left the call yesterday like an idiot. I’m mad at myself and I’m mad at you but not really. I can’t explain it.” Technoblade gets an uneasy pit growing in his stomach, and he opens his mouth to reply but then groaning as his vocal chords scratch. Phil doesn’t mention it as Techno speaks. “Don’t be sorry. I understand why you’re frustrated, and honestly, I’d be frustrated too. And you’re not the only idiot.. It’s me, too. We’re both dumb.” Philza laughs, sounding a little sad, but it was a laugh nonetheless. It made Techno sad, how they can have something bad happen and they still manage to be somewhat normal. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. But I want to say this as like, a reply to what you said yesterday? I’ve been thinking about it all day.” Technoblade takes a deep breath and hums, urging Phil to continue. Phil sighs, “Technoblade, as much as I know this will probably ruin our friendship we have, you have to know that I can’t return your feelings. I see you as kind of like a younger brother, and also I’m married. We can continue being friends because you know how stans work, and only if you’re comfortable with it. I’m fine with it, because I know you and how you are, but if you aren’t then you have to tell me. Don’t stay just because.” Techno has tears gathering in his eyes, and he sniffles before letting out a shaky breath. “Okay. That’s okay. I totally understand that, and I hope I start to see you as an older brother instead of.. you know. I’ll just have to work on it. And I’m okay if we stay friends, in fact I’d love it if we did. Thank you for not being weird or mean about it. I really appreciate it and I’m sorry I got us into this. Even though it’s only been like a day.” Philza snickers at that, and Techno gives a small smile before saying goodbye and leaving the voice channel.

He closes out of Discord and logs out of the SMP, standing up to stretch. He cracks his back and does a few arm movements before going into the kitchen and make himself some dinner.

This was fine. Him and Phil talked. He’ll be fine, and get over it. It really was just a silly crush after all. He’ll stay friends with Phil and overtime will see the romantic feelings turn back to platonic- hopefully.

_ He can learn to deal with this. _


End file.
